Overcoming Trauma
People often think trauma comes from surviving 9/11 or going to war.
It does, but it also comes from witnessing or experiencing domestic violence; physical, sexual, or emotional abuse; or medical illnesses and procedures.
Maybe it was sexual abuse when you were a child by a parent or family friend. Maybe it was sexual assault at a party when you had too much to drink. Maybe it is your husband who still thinks sex is his right because you’re married. Maybe it was waking up in ICU after a routine surgery.
The earlier we live through trauma…
… the more it defines how we handle and interpret our life experiences.
Our brains work to keep us safe. When we experience trauma, our brains take a snapshot of everything surrounding that trauma – the sights, sounds, feelings, smells – it is like the brain takes a Polaroid picture of everything surrounding the traumatic events.
Then, as we go through life, when our brains encounter something that resembles a part of that traumatic event, it sends us “Danger! Danger! Danger!” messages so we can prepare to respond to the new danger.
The problem is, what our brains respond to often isn’t really dangerous! It just feels like it is.
Here’s what living with trauma might look like…
Jeremy* had a rough upbringing, but who has had a perfect life? He saw some things he wasn’t supposed to talk about—some things he never wanted to talk about.
He knows his reactions are sometimes extreme…
He pushes people away when they get too close. When relationships get intense, he runs. And he’s able to justify it all to himself. He has logical reasons for making his choices, but he knows something is off. He knows that while this avoidance makes him feel safe, it also prevents him from living life fully, from enjoying the depth of meaningful connections.
He wishes there were another way. He’s starting to realize how much his reactions are limiting his life. He’s avoiding so many situations because so much feels uncomfortable.
He starts to feel depressed and anxious… filled with guilt and shame.
Reactions to trauma can range in severity.
You may have nightmares, flashbacks, or relive a frightening experience over and over. You may feel as though you’re frozen, but the world keeps spinning around you.
Sometimes drugs, alcohol, exercise, gambling, or social media become ways to escape the pain. None of these work in the long run.
In therapy, you can feel safe while engaging with life again.
I can help you understand how your brain and body react to trauma and help you quiet those reactions. Where you have maladaptive or harmful coping mechanisms, we can work to find healthy solutions.
When we work together, we will first start to identify when your brain is sending you “Danger! Danger! Danger!” messages, sending you into fight or flight. These messages are often at the root of anger or rage or your need to control people and the world around you. At the beginning of our journey, you may not even realize this is happening. But over time you will see how much these “Danger!” messages are governing your choices and behaviors.
Once you learn to feel your body preparing you to handle danger, particularly when it isn’t real, I will teach you how to quiet your reactivity and respond more appropriately. Your need to control the people and situations around you will lessen, and you will feel safer in more environments.
Ultimately, the sense of safety comes from within. Learning to be vulnerable within different relationships may seem out of reach at the moment, but you can get there.
Let’s begin the road to healing.
It takes effort to face your pain and fears.
I will be there with you throughout your journey and keep you safe and protected as you let go of the trauma that holds you back from living the life you deserve.
Call me today and let’s talk: (310) 552-2033.