Family Therapy

“Small kids… small problems. Big kids… big problems.”

You’ve probably heard that expression but never realized just how true it is.

You understand where things went wrong: your daughter’s diagnosis of chronic illness.

You’ve tried every diet. You’ve taken her to every doctor. No one seems to have good answers. She is getting angrier. Her siblings are getting angrier. Why should they be angry? They’re not sick!

You think about what life looked like pre-diagnosis… when scraped knees were healed with a kiss and a bandage. Hurts were fixed without a visit to the doctor – without an overnight stay in the hospital – without invasive tests and treatments with medicines with outrageous names and even more outrageous price tags.

Your daughter used to look at you like a superhero when you tucked her in at night. Now you feel helpless, and your eyes fill with tears as she whispers, “Help me, it hurts.”

For one family, it might be a chronic illness diagnosis. For another, it might be when bullying or drug use began. The issues differ – the dynamics are often the same. One child is hurting, and you used to know how to fix their hurts. Hugs, kisses, and ice cream used to solve everything! But now you feel helpless, nothing you’ve tried seems to be working. And the rest of the family is feeling the impact.

When one member of a family struggles, the whole family hurts.

Strife among the kids…

Healthy siblings are jealous that their sick or suffering sibling gets all the attention from mom and dad.

The new iPhone you got to distract her from her problems is taken as proof of favoritism by her brother.

Your daughter resents his being at school and being “normal.” He resents her being out of school and watching unlimited amounts of television.

You try to explain, but how much can a 12-year-old really process?

Being on board together as parents…

And you wish your spouse was on board with new medication instead of just another diet. How many diets are you going to try while she just gets sicker and sicker? The doctors think that approach is nuts. Sometimes you do, too.

Whether it is a new diet for an ill child or a new approach to help ease a suffering child’s anguish, coping with the serious problems of a child often impact the parent’s relationship. Men and women react differently to stress and difficulties. Marriages thrive when spouses give to each other. But how do you keep giving when you are just trying to keep your head above water? How do you keep giving when your needs aren’t being met?

Where do you learn the skills to manage a sick child?

No one ever prepared you for this, so consider reaching out to someone who can help.

Imagine dumping all of the chaos that seems to be drowning your family into someone’s lap who truly understands.

Imagine that person helping you navigate this foreign territory, giving you back your sense of control.

Imagine feeling like this is hard, but I can manage it. We are going to make it.

Therapy is the guidebook for managing life with a suffering child.

I will help you understand the changing dynamics in your family and give you the skills to put it all back together.

In family therapy, we first explore who is suffering most and why. Even with family members who don’t want to participate, we can still identify and understand the dynamics at play. There will always be family members who are more interested in changing behaviors than others. We work with those individuals first to try to stabilize the situation, improve communication, and make everyone feel more supported.

You don’t need everyone on board to make real changes in family dynamics. We need one or two really motivated people to start turning dynamics around.

Once people start to identify dysfunctional behavioral patterns, they can almost observe as an outsider, watching the patterns play out, but instead of engaging, choose a different and healthier response. Once one person starts to shift, the whole dynamic begins to improve. People start to feel differently, start to feel better, and we build on each improvement until we reach our goals.

If you are ready to turn your family dynamics around, I’m here to help.

Be courageous enough to take the first step.

You will be grateful you did.

When you call me, we can have a brief conversation about what you’re trying to improve. I will let you know if I think I can help. Then, if you feel comfortable, we will set up a first session and start the journey to turning your family around.

Your child may still be suffering, but that doesn’t have to rob your family of happiness. Call me today: (310) 552-2033.